By Dr. Froswa Booker-Drew
Columnist
This past week, what apparently was an argument between Kirk Franklin and his adult son was now in the public sphere for consumption, comment and even debate. His son recorded their spat and Kirk’s words of scorn were saturated with some colorful language.
I’m not sure what his son’s intention was in making their private disagreement public. If the goal was to make others see his father in a negative light— it’s possible that it could have done that for both of them. If the goal was to demonstrate that his father was human and experienced expressions of anger as many of us do, then he was successful.
If his goal was to reconcile the relationship, I would say that it probably did the opposite. Relationships are messy and quite often, it’s easy to see these family disagreements as a failure without recognizing the difficulty it is to be a parent. I think we also fail to see how many of our issues in relationship with family actually are a mirror of our relationship with God.
Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs I’ve ever had. I describe my adult daughter as my heart walking outside of my body and yet, as much as I love her, we’ve had some disagreements and even times when we needed space from one another.
I can admit that as great of a relationship we have, there have been some rocky roads we’ve traveled in between the great moments. There are decisions I don’t necessarily agree with that she has made. Yet, I realize that she is an adult and can make choices just as I do.
We all want the best things for our kids and when they make choices that we believe will hurt them, it’s hard to step back and watch. In our attempt to help them, I think sometimes we can hurt them by our approach, our words, and our actions.
We can be well intended and not comprehend the impact of our decisions. For some of us, we hold grudges, allowing our anger to build up and at some point, we explode. I think the thing I’ve learned in our relationship is addressing issues as they happen instead of waiting, taking a step back when necessary, and always listen more than give input.
The Bible gives us instruction in dealing with conflicts. Read (Matthew 18:15-17a). We have been a given a roadmap to address issues—whether it be with our children, co-workers, friends, or loved ones. We first attempt to deal with the person.
If they are not willing to listen, then we should bring it to wise counsel that we trust and know will seek truth and reconciliation. These are individuals who stand for righteousness and justice but understand the importance of mercy and grace. If they do not listen still, then you try again to bring reconciliation in another way. You don’t give up. The church doesn’t necessarily mean the physical structure or everyone within the congregation but those individuals who can offer sound advice, guidance, and offer discretion.
How many times do we get angry at God, turn away, and say things out of doubt and unbelief because we didn’t get our way? Just as children do this to their parents, we, too, must own those times we’ve turned away from God.
Pay attention to the temper tantrums you have with God, it could be a reflection of some of our interactions with others. Are we willing to hang on, work it out and keep the faith even when things go wrong or do we give up too easy, fuss, and cuss each other out? God models the behavior we all should strive for as parents or children; one that embraces honor, sees the best, tells the truth, and gives respect. It is one that love is foundation for every action and that forgiveness is essential.
I don’t know the details of the fight between Mr. Franklin and his son but what I do hope is they are able to resolve and reconcile their issues privately with God instead of in the court of public opinion that does nothing but further isolates, and creates division and more pain.
Go to those you love privately and make it right.
Dr. Froswa’ Booker-Drew is the host of the Tapestry Podcast and the author of three books for women. She is also the Vice President of Community Affairs for the State Fair of Texas. To learn more, visit drfroswa.com.
