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BLACK CARD: If you speak when you are angry you will make the greatest speech you will forever regret

In my memory, the back porch was a powerful place, it felt like it was similar to that sacred ground that Moses walked on.

In my mind, the back porch was akin to a location which is deemed to be sacred or hallowed.

My grandmother, Lucille “Big Mama” Allen filled her three sons and three daughters, 16 grandchildren, 50 great grandchildren, 38 great-great grandchildren, seven great great-great grandchildren and a host of nieces, nephews and bonus family members with simple, Bible-based logic for us to use all throughout our lives.

Her words flowed out to us on the back porch of the house that she and Granddaddy built. Her wisdom soon proved to be sacred and spoken from hallowed ground, in my eyes.

Just recently, I was in a team meeting and I was charged and told my thoughts had nothing to do with the meeting. Here I am, voluntarily committing to the team effort, and leadership tagged me with interfering with the flow.


Big Mama’s lessons popped directly into my head!

She would always say very proudly with her hands on hips’ stance, “Chile if you speak while you are still angry at your family then every word said will rise up later to bite you in your ass.”

Big Mama’s best legacy was building lifetime lessons in our heads. Big Mama said get those conflict weeds out of your head. My weeds came in statements like, “It’s not you, it’s me” weed! “It’s your fault weed” and “I am right” weed!

She taught me how to think, resent and think again before I spoke in anger. She told me to remember what John said, “John said, ‘In my father’s house there are many mansions. If it were not so, I would have told you …and so on.’”

Big Mama knew that conflict and anger had to be set aside to a higher divinity. Her sacred back porch was a living and learning foundation for her subjects-US!


Her lessons on conflict would help solve some of the global conflicts we are seeing now. She asked are you the type who runs and hides in a closet if there’s a conflict ; or maybe you flourish in these types of situation.

Jesus also taught about what it means to be a peacemaker.

The Bible challenges us to be peacemakers and agents of reconciliation. Jesus even gave us a promise that we will be called sons and daughters of God when we live this out. God’s Word helps us handle conflict in a godly way so He can use it for good.

So plant seeds, not weed! Here is what Big Mama, the seed planter, taught me about conflict :

Seed 1- Own it. If you’ve messed up, own it. Own it fully because the offense is against our Holy God—don’t explain it. Own it. Ask for forgiveness. We should own all that we can for the good of relationships and the glory of Christ. Confession, and walking in the light, gives God the opportunity to display grace in our lives. (1 John 1:7-10)


Seed 2 Speak Truth. If you’ve been hurt, go to the person humbly and talk to them. Listen to them. And pray for them. (Eph. 4:29-32)

Seed 3 Give grace. Be quick to forgive. Remember the grace upon grace that you’ve been freely given in Christ Jesus.

So reader family, in summary-Ask God to give you the grace to receive His grace, and for the grace to give it freely to others! I promise you, then your words will never be words of regret. Emaiil your outcomes to me at

Terry Allen is a best-selling author, small business consultant, founder of City Men Cook Dallas and Sister CEO) and an award-winning journalism and PR expert.

Written By

Terry Allen is an award-winning media professional, journalist, and entrepreneur. He is also the founder of City Men Cook and 1016 Media. Reach him at


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