BY: Terry Allen
Welcome to Lucile “Big Mama” Allen’s back porch. Big Mama used to say, “Baby, everything that comes at you ain’t meant for you to catch so preserve your peace chile .” And now, the older I get, the more I understand exactly what Lucille “Big Mama” Allen was planting in me. She believed in choosing the higher road even when people—especially the ones closest to you—try to drag you into the ditch with them.
Big Mama grew up with the kind of wisdom you can’t buy and you can’t fake. It was earned. It came from raising children, watching grandchildren, feeding communities, praying through storms, and surviving enough family fussing to fill a whole library. She taught us that strength isn’t proven by how much foolishness you can endure. Strength shows up in how you protect your peace and guard your spirit.
Sometimes the most dangerous attacks on your mindset don’t come from enemies—they come from family and friends who know exactly where your invisible buttons are. They know the history, the wounds, the triggers, and the places you’ve been trying to heal. One comment, one look, one tone, and suddenly you feel those old thoughts rising up again.
Big Mama knew that battle well. She said, “Don’t let nobody pull you back into a person you already buried.” That’s where D.U.C.K. comes in—Dodge Unhealed Consciousness Kindly. And let me tell you, some of those “unhealed consciousness” folks share your bloodline, your upbringing, or your holiday table and the Push your Invisible buttons!
People will poke, test, and tempt you to react. Some folks can’t function unless there’s conflict seasoned with drama—what my ally Ms. Iyanla Vanzant would call “conflama.” And yes, we’ve trained them by always showing up with answers, money, advice, emotional labor, and a shoulder—until they expect us to solve every crisis they create. I saw how my entertainment colleague Robert Ri’chard dodged women groupies when he and i worked on Dallas Lit and how had had to deflect the women and highly public their inappropriate advances. DUCK!
But here’s the grown-man truth Big Mama lived by:
You don’t have to catch everything thrown at you.
You don’t have to fix everybody’s life.
You don’t have to respond to every sideways jab or every trigger that tries to resurrect your old self.
You can simply D.U.C.K.!
Dodge the mess.
Unleash yourself from the bait.
Cover yourself from the unhealed energy.
Kindly do it with calm
Lucille “Big Mama” Allen said: Preserve your peace, because peace is priceless—and you don’t hand that over to nobody.Terry Allen is the Vice President of Focus Communications, founder of City Men Cook, and CEO of 1016 Media. Chair of the NABJ Media Related Taskforce and Member of the PRSA National DEI committee, he was one of the founding participants of the National Conversation called America Speaks and a Facilitator/Advisor with Pastor Richie Butler’s Project Unity. He continues to uplift stories of Black excellence, health, and legacy across the nation.
Terry Allen is an NABJ award-winning Journalist, DEI expert, PR professional, and founder of the charity – Vice President at Focus- PR, Founder of City Men Cook, and Dallas Chapter President of NBPRS.org
