By Alma Gil
Dear Alma,
I can’t seem to let go of my ex and it’s coming up on 10 years. I thought he and I were the perfect couple. I am a college graduate, a professional and I own my own home and car. I consider myself beautiful and I know I’ve got it going on. I have dates and we hang for a few weeks, but nothing ever evolves into a serious relationship. When I’m in between finding Mr. Right, I will call my ex and see how he’s doing. It seems so right when we talk. I can tell he wants to be with me by the sweet things that he says, but I know he’s intimidated by me. He compliments me and tells me what a wonderful woman I am, so I don’t understand why we aren’t together. I have not had a serious relationship since we broke up. How can I finally let go of my ex and move on with my life?
J.M.
Dear J.M.,
Hmmm, let me think. How about you – let go of your ex and move on with your life. He isn’t interested in having a relationship with you. You can’t seem to understand that because you would have a relationship with you, wouldn’t you? Don’t get it twisted. When you’re starving for affection and come up with that never ending bright idea to give him a call, of course he spoon feeds you a sweet line to two, but that shouldn’t trigger a reserved seat at the “take me-back” café. It is what it is, a line, a simple conversation. If you really want to move on, stop calling him.
You say you haven’t been able to have a long term relationship. Ok, let’s do some reevaluating. At some point you need to realize, it’s not about him and take a look within.
Really, with all the respect I can toss in your awesome sauce, the question is: What’s your issue? Sometimes when searching for Mr. Right, we’ve focused on his list of requirements so firmly, that we fail at our own authentic list of who we truly are and what we have to offer.
Nobody, including you, has everything going on. If you can handle it, do some soul searching and ask a true friend and family member for some constructive criticism. Ask them to tell you one thing they’d change about you.
Listen and consider what they say. There’s value and wisdom to be gained when we look to improve ourselves, not by a magazine’s standards, but whole heartedly from the inside out.
Alma
Can’t Let Go of My Ex Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.
