By Dr. Froswa’ Booker-Drew
Quarantining has allowed me to catch up on a lot of shows that I have missed. My mom and I have been watching Iyanla Vanzant’s show, Fix My Life. It is heartbreaking to watch the pain that people go through because of what others have said to them. A young man on the show who was not aware he had siblings recanted a story that his father called him a ‘bastard’ when he was a child. Decades later, those words hung over his life and had such an impact on his decisions as an adult. The father made multiple excuses and refused to take responsibility for his actions. He said to his sons that “you can’t understand me through words.” I disagree. Our words tell a story about who we are, what we believe, and how we see the world. We see one another through both our words and our actions, and they are both powerful. Our words are the starting place for what we do. The pain we experience if not resolved begins to impact those around us. At some point, we must own what we have done and eliminate excuses for behavior that prevent us from being our best selves.
I will never forget meeting a lady at a training. She was late and came in with such a bitter spirit. There was nothing I could do or say to please her. A friend pulled me aside and said that since her divorce, she lashes out at others. In her own pain, she was dedicated to punishing others. Her ex had moved on and yet, she was carrying a weight that would not allow her to be free to truly live. Life hurts and at some point, we must make decisions that break patterns that ultimately become generational curses. If we do not deal with our past, it has a way of creeping up in our present and possibly destroying our future.
• It starts with what we say: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Proverbs 18:21 NIV) It isn’t that you lie about the reality of a situation but decide what you want your life to look like moving forward and deal with those issues that prevent you from doing so. A lot of our lives and the lives of those around us are crushed because of what we say about ourselves and others. This is a pattern that must be broken.
• Secondly, the Bible encourages us to change our thinking. Romans 12:2 says, “Don’t become like the people of this world. Instead, change the way you think. Then you will always be able to determine what God really wants-what is good, pleasing, and perfect.” (GWT). We must decide what we will focus on, making the necessary changes we need or choose to remain immobilized, imprisoned by our pain. Renewing our minds is a process. It is not something that happens overnight, but it is a daily commitment to breaking patterns that do not serve us well.
• Lastly, Forgive yourself. Forgive those who have wounded you “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13) Forgiveness is for you to reclaim your power so that you can live. Otherwise, the person who has hurt you continues to have control.
Many of us are in spiritual bondage because of these patterns that keep us enslaved to these issues. What is not serving you well? What are the thoughts, the pain, the problems that keep you from fulfilling God’s purpose for your life? Recognize it, let it go, find the healing you need and become dedicated to seeking God’s plan for your life.
Dr. Froswa’ Booker-Drew is the author of three books and has recently launched the podcast, The Tapestry. Dr. Froswa’s Tapestry is about bringing people together to explore the rich, woven textures of our narratives. Our stories are impactful and in listening to the stories of others, we learn more about our own power, claim our purpose and pursue our passion. The fabric of our lives as women is strong, resilient and when we come together, we can make a beautiful piece of work to inspire, support and sustain our personal and professional lives. Visit https://www.spreaker.com/show/the-tapestry_1 to listen. Learn more about Dr. Froswa’ at https://drfroswa.com/.