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ASK ALMA: I want him, not his sister!

By Alma Gill

Dear Alma,

I’m in my 50s, twice divorced, with no children. I have a demanding job that keeps me busy and seriously disrupts my social life. I’ve been dating a man I met in the office.

Things are going really well and we agreed to take the next step and meet each other’s family. When we met my family all went well. We recently attended one of his family gatherings. While there, I met his sister. He loves his sister and they have a really close relationship. Here’s the issue, after we met and he walked away, she was really mean to me and implied that I was not her brother’s type of woman and I should not expect a relationship from our friendship. I was shocked, to put it mildly.

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She was totally crazy with it. I like him and I don’t want to end our relationship.

Should I tell him what his sister said? If I do tell him, how should I do it? Thank you, I can’t wait to hear your take on this.

Sister Problems

Dear Sister Problems,

I’m clutching my pearls right now. Are you serious? What the what? And you let her walk away without tripping her down the stairs? OK, maybe that’s just what I would have done. Well, she tried to check the wrong one, because you’re just not having it.

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Did you hear me? Hold on a minute, while I turn on my desk fan. I’m not sure if I’m mad as H-E-double hockey sticks or just having a hot flash.

To answer your question: No, don’t mention a thing to the man you’re dating. You can handle “Sista Shady.” Continue down your path with this special guy and see where it leads. Check yourself periodically to make sure it doesn’t become a competition with his sister, because you know how we can be. Have fun, do your thing, and if this becomes serious, you know who’s peeping in your window. Give her something to watch, because you know how we can be.

Let me remind you: this relationship is between you and him, and no one else. If he proposes and marriage is in your future, then it’s time for the discussion. Again, don’t mention his sister specifically, just confide and confirm with each other that neither family members nor outsiders are ever welcome to impede or deliver any ‘ish that could potentially come between the two of you. Something tells me, he won’t be surprised by the conversation.

Seems to me she’s worried that the relationship she has with her brother will change, if he has a special woman in his life. That’s a conversation that should take place between him and her, not you and her. Clearly, she’s got it twisted. I don’t think this is her first sister-brother rodeo, so there’s no need to worry right now. However, before you say “I do,” you need to let her know her cowgirl clowning ain’t never gonna be welcome in your barnyard of blessed assurance!


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Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.

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