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ASK ALMA: I’m not discussing my sex life with YOU!

By Alma Gill

Dear Alma,

I read an article that suggested that married couples should openly discuss sexual and emotional attractions to other people. The hurtful part of infidelity, the author said, is the deception, not the sex act. By openly discussing a desire to stray, she said, the couple stands a better chance of avoiding an affair or surviving one if it happens. Do you think this is a good idea? Should a man tell his wife that he wants to sleep with another woman, or should a wife tell her husband that she wants to sleep with another man? This sounds like a recipe for disaster, if you ask me.


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Hey Now Harlis,

Without apologies, unequivocally, NO, I don’t think it’s wise to have this type of conversation with your spouse.

Infidelity is a small part of a bigger problem not being addressed. The act and the deception go hand in hand. Both are equally devastating. “Couple Up” and discuss the actual challenges you’re facing in your relationship. Having the thought and discussion of being disloyal and betraying your partner should be avoided.

Whether married or not, we experience sexual and/or emotional attractions; it’s a part of being human…and fantasizing. For example: Let’s say you have a moment (or two) while watching Eamonn Walker on “Chicago Fire.” Should you tell your husband? No. Should you have an affair? No. What should you do? I suggest, instead, that you buy a fire-engine red teddy, throw your husband to the floor and let the games begin. (Chile, it’s gettin’ hot up in here. LOL)

Anywho, you and I agree; the discussion of or act of infidelity would be equally damaging to a marriage. If having an affair has crossed your mind, tend and weed those thoughts carefully in your own secret garden. A successful and victorious marriage has no room for that kind of thinking to bloom and grow.

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Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.

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