By Terry Allen
There was one lesson my grandmother, Lucille “Big Mama” Allen, never had to repeat twice.
She would look at us with that unmistakable smile and say, “Baby, don’t let anybody steal your joy.”
As a child, I thought she was talking about happiness. As a man, I now understand she was talking about something much deeper.
Joy is a choice.
As I write this column, I am walking beside my beloved mother during one of the most difficult seasons our family has ever faced. Watching someone who gave you life slowly transition is heartbreaking. There are moments of sadness, uncertainty, and exhaustion. Yet, even in the midst of this journey, I find myself celebrating every smile, every whisper, every prayer, every visitor, and every memory we are still blessed to share.
Big Mama taught us that life doesn’t stop being beautiful simply because it becomes difficult.
At any moment, our outward appearance may reveal what we are going through, what we have already survived, or what tomorrow may bring. But she believed the greatest control God gives us is not over our circumstances—it is over our response to them.
That lesson seems especially important today.
Every day we wake up to stories that test our faith in humanity. As our nation continues seeking answers surrounding the tragic death of Nolan Wells, emotions understandably range from grief and frustration to anger and disbelief. Justice matters. Truth matters. Accountability matters. But while we pursue those answers, we must also guard something equally valuable—our spirit. We cannot allow the darkness around us to extinguish the light within us. We must honor Nolan’s light!
That same truth has shaped my work presenting “Why Black Men Don’t Talk.” One of the greatest challenges facing many Black men is not simply the weight we carry—it is that we often forget we have permission to experience joy. We have become experts at surviving. We know how to endure hardship, provide for others, hide pain, and keep moving. Yet too many of us postpone joy until life becomes easier. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2489344/episodes/19422758-why-men-don-t-talk-and-why-it-s-killing-us
Big Mama would have called that a mistake.
True joy comes from the inside out. It is rooted in whose you are, not what is happening around you. It becomes an emotional shield against disappointment, negativity, injustice, financial struggles, illness, and uncertainty. Joy does not ignore reality; it reminds us that God is greater than our reality.
So laugh while you can. Celebrate the small victories. Call someone you love. Pray with someone who is hurting. Give thanks before your breakthrough arrives instead of waiting until after it comes.
Because joy is one thing the world cannot take unless we willingly surrender it.
And Big Mama would simply smile and remind us:
“Baby… you can’t stop life from happening, but you can stop life from stealing your joy.”
— Terry Allen
Terry Allen is an NABJ award-winning Journalist, DEI expert, PR professional, and – Vice President at FocusPR, founder of the charity City Men Cook, and Dallas Chapter President of NBPRS.org
